"My poop!"
~Mr. Earth
Summary
Mr. Earth was born in the year -4,000,000,000, but lives today with the mind of a 7 year old. His hobbies include floating through space, being a dumbass, video-chatting with random fools on the internet, and giving AIDS to the poor.
Mr. Earth is often criticized for his poor hygiene, which manifests itself in the form of a nasty human infection, which he simply refers to as his 'poop'. He rarely showers, though sometimes attempts to deal with his infection by inflicting their cities with earthquakes, floods, and other natural disasters. Mr. Earth's moral compass is questionable at best, and some experts consider him to be a closet racist for his poor treatment of certain cultures. He denies these allegations, noting that his poop comes in all colors, not just brown. To him, all poop is good, all poop is equal, and all poop is worthy of respect.
His father, Mr. Sun, rarely shows his face. Their relationship is strained due to the constant abuse that Mr. Earth suffered under him in the early years of his life. Since Mr. Earth moved out of home, his father no longer beats him, but still occasionally shoots streams of fiery red hot space-jizz in his general direction. Mr. Sun has also stated that at the end of his life-span, he will attempt to cannibalize Mr. Earth into a blazing inferno akin to a non-consensual murder-suicide pact. Mr. Earth has made no comments on this matter.
It is rumored that Mr. Earth once temporarily infected his mother, Mrs. Moon, with humans. The implications of such an STD being spread between family members is shocking, but Mrs. Moon denies these events, claiming that "it was all a hoax" and that "Stanley Kubrick faked the whole thing". It's not clear what she meant by these statements, but rumors are only rumors after all.